short funny affirmations

192. 218. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. 64. 107. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 246. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. I have a lot to offer. happy. 135. 241. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. 174. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? 70. 224. 48. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 5. 236. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. But you can always be immature. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 7. 73. 1. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 6. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. Ken Dodd 77. 2. 145. What do you call a bear with no teeth? I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 276. The only power you have is the word no. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. Milton Berle Billy Wilder. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. 110. 267. Short Funny Quotes. 20. 1. Just like every Monday does on Earth. 220. So far, so good. Keep your affirmations in the present. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 149. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. The Only 100 Positive Affirmations You Will Ever Need Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. 128. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. 182. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. 5. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Discover funny affirmations 's popular videos | TikTok Not everyone has good taste. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 52. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. Envelope. 233. How do trees access the internet? Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. Description for this block. 39 Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Donald Trump. I try to see the funny side of every situation. 212. 133. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. The library, because it has so many stories. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Ann Landers, 244. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. Funny Affirmation - Etsy Bill Murray. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. 222. Hi! I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. We'll get to that later. No matter what I look like. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 28. 200. 7. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. I always find something funny in every situation. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. 80. The only power you have is the word no. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 165. We frequently doubt ourselves. My jokes do. Really? A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Charles M. Schulz Because it was soda pressing. Charles M. Schulz. What is Mozart doing right now? Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 69. 127. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. 50 Christian Affirmations to Quiet Anxiety & Renew Your Mind - byDeze Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. 4. 88. 40 Positive Affirmations to Repeat for Success and Happiness - Oprah Daily 279. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Why did the can crusher quit his job? 130. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. I enjoy every minute of it. 20. 197. 234. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. 1. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 50. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. Sincerely, yourself., 2. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. I never apologize. Funny Affirmations - Etsy If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. How do astronomers organize a party? A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. 269. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. Exercise? document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 34. 260. Because it was soda pressing. 27. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret 189. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 65 Funny Positive Affirmations That Work For Everyone - ThediaryforLife 273. Socrates. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Best friends eat your food. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. 197. Unknown. Your words become your actions. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. grateful. 226. Ann Landers 58. Bill Murray, 260. 221. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Why did the school kids eat their homework? Franklin Jones Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Bill Murray May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 92. 221. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. Walter Bagehot Those who snore always fall asleep first. 12. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. 97. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 26. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. 73. Steven Alexander Wright When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. When life closes a door, just open it again. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. 206. Does it count if you say them in your mind? 110 Funny Work Quotes To Jazz Up Your Workplace - Vantage Circle These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. My jokes do. And get over it. No, but April may. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. 201. 57. If only common sense were more common. Because they make up everything. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 228. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. "You have to be odd to be number one.". "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. 67. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 173. 10. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. 25. Good morning! Wonderwoman: single. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. 28. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. 215. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. 135. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". 13. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? 179. Swimming trunks. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. - TS Eliot. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. 14. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Why was six scared of seven? It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. 5. But it'll move up again.". 9. 101. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . I dont suffer from insanity. It will warm you twice unknown. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! Franklin Jones, 259. 82. 123. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. Steve Martin, 254. 30. 39. Decomposing. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. 69. Sincerely, the floor. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Live life to the fullest. 7. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. 40. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. - Roy T. Bennett. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. Socrates. 195. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Effective pushing often involves poop. Lorrin L. Lee. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. I am on a seafood diet. When nothing is going right, go left. I will go out. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 26. health is important. Send me the link. 120. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 192. 3. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated.

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